A walk down the memory lane - 18th Sep 2022

Today has been quite a bit like a walk down the memory lane as I was looking at those places that I used to see on a regular basis some years ago. Some places have remained same all these years whereas some have changed so much or have been replaced by new structures that it makes me wonder about how much time has passed since then.

Places have changed, people have either changed or moved on and the memories mean so much different from the moments they were made from. Life felt so different those days than what I feel now.

Was I used to seeing people in different way than what I do now? It makes me think whether life was simpler then or now and whether I was a better person then or now. 

Unsent letter - Jan 8 2020

Hi,

Never thought that so soon in our relationship, I will write to you like this instead of talking it over to you. Maybe I'm scared that I will be misunderstood if I try to talk it over and it's quite possible.

Whatever happened that day wasn't supposed to happen. Never thought that it would happen. Atleast that's what I was thinking until that day. I still can't understand the reason why it happened. And any reason that pops up in the mind appears either like an excuse or justification so I'm not going to think of finding the reasons.

But what bothers me more is how it affected you and that hurts me... a lot. I don't know why but sometimes it feels like as if you were not ready  yet to know and understand me the way I'm supposed to be known and understood. And this particular episode had made you think differently.

I feel like as if I'm imposing in your life a lot. I hope it is not true. But if it is true and if it is bothering you and if it has to end, then I hope it happens silently and gracefully. I wouldn't want the past to be repeated again.

Whatever life may bring to me or take me to, I will continue to smile superficially, appear lively and happy, the way I had been doing in my life so far, no matter how hurt I'm within.

Closing some doors

Closing some doors not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.

You don't have to have it all figured out always, just take the next step to move forward. I know it's not easy to put up brave front and behaving unaffected when the loved person finds happiness being with someone else. I'm well aware of the pain it causes when the other person is oblivious of what you are going through.

Don't be sad when I stop caring anymore. Be sad because I once did and you were too blind to see it.